Highlights of "Men and Dancing"

New Yorker humor articles are occasionally funny, like this one by Jesse Eisenberg, slightly shortened.

Squaw: The only solution to our famine is the sacred rain dance.
Chief: The only solution?
Squaw: Yes, you must do a rain dance, or we'll all starve to death.
Chief: Okay, I'll just go into the woods and do the dance.
Squaw: No, in order to appease the rain gods, you must dance in front of the whole tribe while we point and laugh as you, as is our native custom.

King's Aide: The King demands a dance.
Jester: And what happens if I don't do the dance?
King's Aide: If you don't dance, His Highness has requested that your body be slowly torn apart for his amusement.
Jester: I see.
King's Aide: Yes, it would be a slow but hilarious death.
Jester: Right...

Protestor One: We're all gonna take LSD and protest the Vietnam war on the National Mall.
Protestor Two: Great! Finally those bastards in Washington will see that imposing our hegemonic ideology on this poor Asian country id reprehensible.
P1: Exactly! So just pop some LSD and we can get right to dancing.
P2: Excuse me?
P1: You're not scared of a little LSD are you?
P2: No! Not at all. I'm totally good with LSD. But did you say dancing?
P1: Yeah. That's our protest. Just let our bodies loose on the Mall, flailing them around freely in opposition to the war.
P2: Oh. that sounds fun, really. But, just to play devil's advocate, do you really feel we've exhausted all our options? Have you considered making signs?
P1: None of that stuff works! What we need to send a message to those hawks in the government is some good, expressive, unself-conscious dancing.
P2: Right, sure. But have you considered all sides of the war? I mean, it's not so clear-cut. Aren't you worried about the domino effect? Say we get out of Vietnam, a tiny country turns Communist. But then Laos and Indonesia and China go Communist and suddenly Karl Marx is at your door, handing you a red book and asking you to go work in his shoe factory.